Fighting the fight

Do you ever feel like giving up? I have been struggling with that lately, I feel like I want to scream "WHY DO I BOTHER, NO ONE CARES OR NOTICES ANYWAYS!!!!" For whatever reason I constantly feel like a failure, I feel like I'm not a good mom, not a good wife, not a good house keeper (this I know to be true), not a good cook (I've been told this several times, not by Dale fyi), not a good friend, not a good Woman of God. Why is this? I think it's the devil trying to make me feel this way, I think that he sees little tears in places and rips them open into giant ones, he looks for little 'ins' and then does his thing. Just so you know I am not saying this due to any fights or problems with my husband, it just came on. Maybe cause I have so many things going on right now and I'm feeling over whelmed is the reason those feelings come on stronger now? Anyways, that is my vent for now, thanks for 'listening' :o)

Weight

Well I have to admit I've been avoiding my blog a bit, not because I don't enjoy writing, I love it but because I can't think of any topics. When I first started I kept myself awake at night thinking of things to write about but unfortunately did not write any of those ideas down :o( I also have been scared to write about some of the things that have come to mind because I don't want to be put down, being that this is a perfect way for people to say what they want and remain anonymous is great for you but not so much for me because when I do get those negative comments I'm afraid that it is someone that I'm close to and I just don't know who it is. I don't want to offend people and I am a people pleaser and so when I get these sorts of comments it's hard for me cause I can't fix it. I suppose that this is something I just need to get over.

So I have been making some changes in my life, I have started going to a gym and amazingly I love it. I have tried this before and went to Curves but I hated it and had a really hard time staying committed and ultimately quit. In the first week I didn't change too much what I ate except for making sure to eat breakfast every day, this is the hardest meal for me as I am not a breakfast fan. I lost 2 lbs in the first week!!! (I haven't weighed yet to see what happened week 2) I was pretty excited to say the least! I have been overweight my whole life, I don't know what it's like to be thin. When I had the fitness assessment at the gym the lady asked me how much I wanted to lose and I said I wasn't sure but I had a number in my head which I told her, she said "how long would you like to take to lose it? 1 year? 2 years?" I said "well how about Biggest Loser style and do it in about 15 weeks?" She laughed at me! heehee Of course I was joking but wouldn't that be nice?! I wonder about those people though if they have a hard time sticking to their programs after they go home because they have done it so fast that once they get back into normal life it's more difficult. I know that the season 1 winner is back up as high as he was when he started the show, how disappointing would that be?

I feel so good, better than I have in a long time! I am slowly working on some other changes too, now my next goal? To get a handle on a regular routine with the housework so it doesn't seen so overwhelming. :o)