Fighting the fight

Do you ever feel like giving up? I have been struggling with that lately, I feel like I want to scream "WHY DO I BOTHER, NO ONE CARES OR NOTICES ANYWAYS!!!!" For whatever reason I constantly feel like a failure, I feel like I'm not a good mom, not a good wife, not a good house keeper (this I know to be true), not a good cook (I've been told this several times, not by Dale fyi), not a good friend, not a good Woman of God. Why is this? I think it's the devil trying to make me feel this way, I think that he sees little tears in places and rips them open into giant ones, he looks for little 'ins' and then does his thing. Just so you know I am not saying this due to any fights or problems with my husband, it just came on. Maybe cause I have so many things going on right now and I'm feeling over whelmed is the reason those feelings come on stronger now? Anyways, that is my vent for now, thanks for 'listening' :o)

Weight

Well I have to admit I've been avoiding my blog a bit, not because I don't enjoy writing, I love it but because I can't think of any topics. When I first started I kept myself awake at night thinking of things to write about but unfortunately did not write any of those ideas down :o( I also have been scared to write about some of the things that have come to mind because I don't want to be put down, being that this is a perfect way for people to say what they want and remain anonymous is great for you but not so much for me because when I do get those negative comments I'm afraid that it is someone that I'm close to and I just don't know who it is. I don't want to offend people and I am a people pleaser and so when I get these sorts of comments it's hard for me cause I can't fix it. I suppose that this is something I just need to get over.

So I have been making some changes in my life, I have started going to a gym and amazingly I love it. I have tried this before and went to Curves but I hated it and had a really hard time staying committed and ultimately quit. In the first week I didn't change too much what I ate except for making sure to eat breakfast every day, this is the hardest meal for me as I am not a breakfast fan. I lost 2 lbs in the first week!!! (I haven't weighed yet to see what happened week 2) I was pretty excited to say the least! I have been overweight my whole life, I don't know what it's like to be thin. When I had the fitness assessment at the gym the lady asked me how much I wanted to lose and I said I wasn't sure but I had a number in my head which I told her, she said "how long would you like to take to lose it? 1 year? 2 years?" I said "well how about Biggest Loser style and do it in about 15 weeks?" She laughed at me! heehee Of course I was joking but wouldn't that be nice?! I wonder about those people though if they have a hard time sticking to their programs after they go home because they have done it so fast that once they get back into normal life it's more difficult. I know that the season 1 winner is back up as high as he was when he started the show, how disappointing would that be?

I feel so good, better than I have in a long time! I am slowly working on some other changes too, now my next goal? To get a handle on a regular routine with the housework so it doesn't seen so overwhelming. :o)

Charts!

OH my I just found the best websites for charts! I do very well if I've got a weekly chart where I can write down everything that's happening for the week, I love my day timer but if I have something that I can put on the fridge it's even better, they help me to stay on track and not forget anything. So here are the websites: www.theprojectgirl.com, this one was great, she has a weekly meal planner and then depending on which style you choose there is a list on the side or bottom of the page where you can keep a running tab of what you need as far as groceries go, it's even listed out in sections: produce, canned goods, dairy, frozen etc. Then there is www.mintprintables.com, this was a weekly calender, the one that I loved had a retro pink border (shocking that I would pick pink, I know! lol) the top of it says 'Daily appointments for the week of:' and then it's got the week below it with lines to write whatever you want for each day in. Another website www.organizedhome.com gave several different options for charts that you can print and make into a book, it even gave a cover that you can print! Then there was one that I found that has kids chore charts (Alexa will be so pleased I'm sure) www.mommiesonline.net. I have found printable chore charts on other sites but I didn't like them as much as this one. I should also mention that these were all FREE! Now I just need to decide which ones to use! lol


ps: If I knew how I would put links to these website on here....sorry.

It's been a while......

Wow has it really been over a month since I last blogged? Time went by so fast I had no idea :o) So how have you been my blog reading friends? I have been doing well. Things around here have been busy and go from one thing to the next. I am feeling much better since being sick, I am still quite tired, I suppose that is left over from the infection that I had. Alexa had her dental surgery, she had an extra tooth that was up in her gum that needed to be removed, it went well and she was already back to her normal self within a couple of days. Dale started a new job, driving a tow truck, he enjoys it and the girls and I enjoy having him home every night. I was a little worried about having him home all the time because I was so used to being alone so much and wondered if having him here that he would get on my nerves. I had heard other truckers wives say that this happens to them as well as women who's husbands retire. Well it has gone really well, we've been getting along great and have even had the opportunity to take a course at our church called Love and Respect, it's about the differences between men and women and how they react to each other, I highly recommend getting the book, it's very interesting. The book is called Love and Respect.

I would really like to get back to blogging regularly but I need some ideas from you about what to write about, maybe you don't like reading about my life. lol

Changes!

I have some exciting news! I will first start with a little background and then tell you sort of like when tv programs advertise something and they place it at the very end so that you will be forced to watch all the way to the end. haha, I'm just kidding of course but doesn't that drive you nuts?

Anyways, my husband Dale has been a truck driver since he was 19, he's 40 now. He has been working with the company the last company for 13 years driving on the highway, now I should clarify what "on the highway" means, for truck driving families this does not always mean the same thing. Our friend 'D' works "on the highway" but he is gone for months at a time, his family really only see him at major holidays, I can't imagine what that must be like. Dale's "on the highway" means driving 2 trips a week to Alberta, he has gone as far as Winnipeg, so he's home sometimes 1 night during the week and then 1 or 2 nights on the weekend depending on how the week goes. We have been looking for something else for him to do, another place to work or something that would allow him to be home more for a long time and have been praying about it for years. Well something finally came up about 3 weeks ago, about the same time I started going through my health issues. A friend of my Dads (my dad is a mechanic) had a tow truck and had it for sale, and he had a contract with the kidney foundation hauling away cars that people donated to them for scrap. Well we bought it and Dale is on his second week doing it! He is home every night and we are all loving it!!! We are trying to get more contacts and Dale is handing out business cards everywhere so hopefully that will get our name out there and Dale will get even more work.

Mommies can't get sick

So I have been a little out of the loop for a while, I saw that my last post was on the 7th of Feb, here it's the 24th! Oh well I have a good excuse, I have not been doing too well lately. It started in the middle of January and I'm still fighting with it, I am supposed to be taking it easy, no housework, no lifting anything more than 4lbs, not too much sitting, no exercise etc so that really limits what I can do. I have had to go to an ambulatory care clinic every day for just over 3 weeks now and that has been hard too, just yesterday they said that I can now come every other day so that is awesome and I go see a surgeon on March 3rd so hopefully I will get some answers then, I'm hoping that I will not have to have surgery of course, then I will be really hooped. So this is why I have not been blogging too much, I've been on the couch watching tv and reading, not that this is necessarily a bad thing but when your house is falling apart around you it can get to you. Now I'm not the best house keeper to begin with, I really struggle in that area but this was getting to be a bit much for me. I was home alone with the girls and Dale was on the road so it was just me, no one was coming to help me with the house so I had to do it anyways, so how does one go about cleaning and tidying up when your mind is fine but your body is screaming NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?? Well I just did what I could as I could and tried to make the best of it. When Dale did come home from his trips he would unload and reload the dishwasher and help with meals a bit but that was about it, I did cry to him about how badly the floor needed to be vacuumed and he did do that, so that was good. Dale has a very traditional idea of the men and women roles in the home and so he really hates helping out in this way, this has been quite difficult for me since I got sick because I feel guilty asking him for help.

Though all of this I have seen the Lords hand in our lives, I have an amazing friend who has made sure we've got meals, several others have given us meals too and Alexa's school even gave my friend $40 for her to go to M&M's to get us some meals as well as someone from there has been bringing lunch for Alexa for almost 3 weeks now! Amazing! I am so thankful! When you are going through something that is very difficult you will find out who you can rely on in tough times and sometimes it's surprising who it is, God has used my friend and I don't know if she even knows it, she has been an amazing blessing to me and there is no way I could ever repay her for her kindness.

Out Sick

Hello my lovelies! I have been out sick for 3 weeks now, I'm not better but I thought that I would just pop by and say a quick hello. I have had an infection from a rash and I had the check up today and they said I'm doing too much: no running, exercising, picking up my kids, picking up laundry baskets, bending, vacuuming, all I'm allowed to do is walk, stand and lay down and dust....dust? lol I thought that was funny. So I've been mostly out of commission for 3 weeks now and 3 weeks ago is when my Christmas tree was going to come down, guess what? It's still up and I want it gone!!!! But I can't do it, so I watch everyone drive by on the street and go "they must be laughing at me right now" hahaha, oh well, at least I can enjoy the pretty lights a bit longer. Through this I have been so blessed by a few friends, Carole has been awesome, she has taken Brooklynn for me several days and she organized several moms from Alexa's school to provide meals for us, what an incredible blessing!!! Thank-you so so much!!!!!!!!!!!

Books

What have you been reading lately? I am really into chick lit and like the escape so I have been devouring all of Sophie Kinsella's books even the ones that she wrote in her real name, Madeleine Wickham, Sophie Kinsella is a pen name. I have never read so much before I started last summer and I've read more books since then than I have in the last 10 years, terrible I know. lol

So the first book I read from Sophie was The Undomestic Goddess, I loved it, it was funny and kept me interested then I went on to the Shopaholic series, these were good but the main character irritated me but I pushed through them and then read Remember Me, also a great one, it is about a woman who wakes up in a hospital with amnesia. Then it was Cocktails for Three which was written in her real name but I didn't like it as much, it follows the lives of 3 friends and I found it hard to keep track of everyone. Now I just finished The Gate Crasher, this one took me a month to finish it was very hard to get through, again another irritating character and I hated the ending. In between these I have also read a few from Emily Giffin, they were also good, the first 2 I loved but then the last one I finished was another hard one to get through, I found myself being tempted to skip whole sections of the book because there was so much internal dialog from the main character, like pages of it. I find Sophie's writing style interesting she seems to write good story for about 3/4 of the book and then the last 1/4 it gets so good that you can't put it down. I'm not sure what I will read next, I have a book from Emily Giffin that I might start but Dale wants me to read a financial gurus book that he loves, I'm not into non fiction so much, I like to read to escape from reality and I think his book might be a hard read for me. lol

Seeing Blessings In The Storm

Well today I'm going to talk about something that I think the Lord has been trying to teach both Dale and I in the last while, something that I know all of us need to learn but it has been a difficult lesson.

As a lot of you know things have been hard for us financially and it has been very stressful. It seems as though there is something new everyday that happens that's not good. Last week Dale had to get new tires on the truck (almost $1600) and that was only for 4 of them then on Friday on his way into Edmonton a set of springs (like shocks on cars) broke so on Saturday he had that fixed ($1300 something later), then on Sunday on his way home something else happened with the truck and he ended up having to leave his trailer for someone else to take home and he babied the truck home.

On Monday the truck was back in the shop the result of which was, there is nothing wrong ($400 something) and you need to get 4 more new tires, another almost $1600. So Dale gets back on the road on Tuesday night and he is at his work and the boss says "ok Dale you are ready to go." So Dale goes out and hops in the truck and pulls the truck away from the dock to close the doors on the trailer, well they were not finished in his trailer and one of the guys that works on the dock was IN Dale's trailer when he pulled away and hurt his foot and the other dock guy was about to drive in the trailer with the fork lift, thankfully he didn't crash! Dale felt awful and of course he's going to check from now on to make sure that they are done. After this happens Dale gets on his way and the police are pulling trucks over on the on ramp to the freeway, Dale gets pulled over and they check his log book, well he had one thing missing on it and so he gets a fine. The rest of his trip went well and he will be home sometime this morning.

Yesterday a letter comes in the mail and we are getting audited by the Ministry of Small business for our fuel tax. When you have your own trucking company and are independent you have to pay fuel tax quarterly and so they want to check everything over and make sure we've been paying all we were supposed to, they pick people at random. So I open and read the letter and I start having a tight feeling in my chest, I'm like oh my goodness I'm having a panic attack, so I just breathed and calmed down and after a bit I was ok.

So do you think this is a lot? It is for me, I've been trying to figure out why this is all happening, why is the Lord letting this happen to us? What is He trying to teach us? What has come to both Dale and I is that we NEED to be thankful in ALL situations, it is scriptural Ephesians 5:20 says You will always give thanks for everything the God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; Psalm 34:1 says I will praise the Lord at all times, I will constantly speak his praises. So how do we do that? Well I heard one time a pastor explain it this way: if you are on the side of the road with a flat tire and you are on your way to the airport to make a flight you simply say "Thank-you Lord for this situation I'm in" it doesn't necessarily mean that you are happy about it but you are thankful.

Through all of this we have also been blessed and I think that is the Lords way of saying "I have not forgotten about you, I LOVE you" Last week we were given a free turkey and then this week I am getting a free pair of glasses which I badly needed, my prescription has changed a lot and I went and priced out glasses but they are just way out of what we can afford. These things are what I use to remind myself that we are not forgotten that through all of the frustrations and through all of the difficulties we are still being taken care of, HE will never leave us or forsake us.

Pajama Day

Do you ever have those days where it seems like the perfect way to spend it would be in your pajamas and do nothing but drink tea and rest? If I had my choice I would be in them all the time but my vanity won't allow it, I look at people that are out and about in pajama pants and go "Why would one leave the house like that?" lol Anyways, today was one of those days for me, it has been a very busy week and emotional too with Dale's uncle passing and the fire and then my sister having her baby and then the ordeal with Dale possibly being in an accident and now today Dale's truck has broken down on the way to Edmonton, GREAT! So he will be stuck there for most of tomorrow while it gets fixed and so will not be home tomorrow but Sunday instead. :o( So when the alarm went off this morning I thought....uuuggghhh! Then I lay there thinking about Alexa and how she's been so tired the last few days too and she was up later last night finishing her homework because we had been at a birthday party earlier so there was no other time to do it. So I decided to let her sleep in and bring her to school late, she slept till 9:30! When she got up I asked her how she was feeling cause she had been complaining about a sore throat for a few days now but didn't want to stay home from school because she didn't want homework, lol, she said it was sore again so I just decided to let her stay home and declare today pajama day. That's not to say that we didn't get anything done, we did work in her room some and have made some progress in that tornado, hopefully soon it will be all nice and organized. I suppose I should also get around to putting my Christmas stuff away too.......lol.......I know.....some of you are horrified that I even have it up still right? lol That's ok, I just love it so much and I didn't get it up till late in comparison to when I normally put my stuff up. If you think this is late, I have even had my stuff up till the end of February one year! lol

Ups and Downs

It has been quite the week, one filled with emotional highs and lows.

On Sunday morning I got a call from Dale's Dad, he sounded terrible, he asked for Dale but Dale was not home (he was working) and then he said he had some bad news Dale's uncle's (Dads brother) house was on fire and they couldn't find Dale's uncle. I have never heard Dale's Dad like this, he sounded so upset, it was heartbreaking. This house is in Sweden and was built by Dale's Grandfather years and years ago, it's the place where Dale's Dad grew up. The house was destroyed and the only thing left standing was the chimney and the Uncle hasn't been found. My heart just breaks for the family, how aweful.

On Monday my sister had her baby! Owen Reid, 7lbs 6oz, and very cute! She had a home birth and everything went smoothly with no complications.

On Tuesday my Mom calls me to tell me about something she heard on the news: there is a 12 semi truck accident on a highway in the interior of our Province due to freezing rain. She did not know that Dale was currently on that highway and that he should be about there and I had not heard from him yet. So I get on the phone and call someone who might have heard from Dale, he says, I'm pretty sure that he called the office in Edmonton. I'm like pretty sure????!!!! What does that mean, I need to know for sure. I then sent a message to the person in Edmonton to see if they had heard from Dale and thankfully they had so my mind was put at ease. I am not too bad about worrying about Dale on the road, I believe that the Lord is protecting him but that does not stop me sometimes from freaking out when situations like this one come up. Shortly after Dale called and let me know he was ok which I was very thankful for.

So this is my week so far, it's been busy but the emotional highs and lows have been exhausting, I am concerned about Dale, about how he's handling the death of his Uncle, I'm concerned about my sister and how she's doing with a new baby being a new mom. But ultimately I need to trust that God is in control, and that I'm not to worry. Sometimes that is easier said than done though.

Happy Friday!

Happy Friday everyone! I am so happy the weekend is here, time to relax, sleep in and take it easy!

Yesterday I went to the dentist to have a couple of cavities filled and the dentist told me that the pain is not from the cavities but from my bite and she wondered if I have tension headaches at all, I get them regularly. She said that these are related, which I found interesting. I guess what I do when I'm stressed is I clench my teeth which is causing the pain in my mouth and I have bruising in my gums because of it then that clenching in turn is causing my headaches. So she suggested a thing that will correct my bite and prevent me from clenching my teeth, she made it right then and there, it's a plastic thing that is formed just for me to fit over my two front teeth and I am supposed to wear it when I'm sleeping, when I'm stressed and when I'm driving but she recommended wearing it most of the time. When I am wearing it I can't close my teeth, my bottom front teeth touch it and that's it, my jaw gets sore after wearing it for a while but on a positive note my teeth have not been hurting. So if you see me and I look like I've got a white candy stuck on my front teeth that would be my new bite corrector, please don't laugh, I also talk with a lisp when wearing it. lol

The Dentist

Today I took Brooklynn to the dentist, she needed to have a cavity filled. Normally I would go to the pediatric dentist but being that we don't have dental coverage I chose to try an acquaintance of my Dad's who is a dentist and save a little bit of money. What an absolute disaster. I spent most of the afternoon there and left with nothing being fixed in Brooklynn's mouth. They don't have the TV's in the ceilings to distract the kids from what's going on and they don't have the laughing gas either. The dentist had told me to give Brooklynn some gravol and Tylenol before we came which I did but it did not make a difference. B was great up till the part when the needle went in, then she started crying and it went downhill from there until she was freaking out. I was rather frustrated with the dentist because she was saying to me that B was making a decision to not cooperate and that if I wanted to take her to the bathroom to discipline her that would be fine, I'm like seriously? She's freaking out because she's scared not because she's being disobedient! She made several comments along that line and I was rather unimpressed with her thoughts on the the situation. When I was going to leave I jokingly said to her that when I came I promised not to act like that and she said if you did I would spank you! She was joking, but I didn't think it was very funny because this is how she thought I should deal with Brooklynn in the matter. I will not be bringing either of my kids there again and let me just say, it is worth the money to go to the pediatric dentist!

The Biggest Loser

Last night was the season premier of The Biggest Loser, I love that show, I find it very inspiring. So yesterday morning I weighed myself and decided that I am going to make more of an effort to get healthy, I have never had success with dieting, I have no will power and I find it difficult to eat at normal times. I won't share how much my weight was but oh man I really need to do something here, yesterday went pretty good and I am going to keep at it. Anyone else doing the same thing?

Book study?

I read a book a while ago called "For Women Only" it is a book based on surveys done on men about what is important to them how they feel in certain situations etc. It was a great book, it really showed me how and why men think the way they do, it gave me an understanding about them that was very valuable. I was at the book store the other day and saw a study/discussion guide about it and I thought I would like to do a study on this book, I want to read it again and I would love to do it with others so we can talk about it. So here is what I was thinking: How would you like to do a bit of a study and discussion on here with me? Who ever wants to can "sign up" you can remain anonymous of course, you go buy the book, it's cheap and I can tell you where to get it, I will get the study guide and we can read say 1 chapter a week and I will talk about it from the study guide and then you can send your thoughts/responses. I would do the post on the same day every week. What do you think? Would you be interested in that?

The Bachelor recap

So did you like the first episode of this season? I did, I can see that there is most definitely going to be drama, like in the preview that shows Jake storming out of the one interview....interesting. I love how the host says EVERY season "This is the most dramatic season of the Bachelor/Bachelorette we've ever had!" Oh brother, seriously? I did like how they did away with (for last nights episode at least) the "coming up....." I hate that when they waste show time on showing us what's coming up after the commercial.

So a recap on last night, Jake meets 25 girls, for the most part they are all pretty, but some of them I was like seriously? I'm sure that the show puts some of these girls on purely for shock value, like for example the Cambodian girl who's pick up line was a not so classic: "I will let you land your airplane on my landing strip anytime" OH MY WORD! Did that really just come out of that girls mouth??? Thankfully Jake did not keep her around now we don't need to hear anymore of that grossness. I was actually a bit surprised that it wasn't edited out, but I suppose that those sorts of comments and innuendos are becoming more and more common nowadays which is very sad. And how about the girl who was crying nearly the whole night, Michelle? Wow, uh....how can you be THAT in love with him after only just meeting him, you are coming across desperate lady. I loved the question from the one girl wondering what Jake's priorities are in life, great question and his answer was even better, "God, Family, Friends, in that order" I loved it.

What did you think?

The Bachelor

Who is excited about the Bachelor that is starting tonight???? Uh......I AM!!!!!!!!! LOL Yes I know I have no life if I am this excited about it lol. I am excited mostly because it's Jake from the Bachelorette, poor, nice guy Jake, I loved him and Jillian didn't, her loss is our gain hee hee. Now we get to watch him find his own girl, lets see if this one lasts......I think all of the bachelors before him tended to think with their.........ahem.......you know....and not their heads or hearts. Let's see if the so called "too perfect" Jake does things differently then his predecessors.

Anyone know how to put pics in from the show on here? lol

Swearing

In my last post I wrote about these guys swearing at a church event and it gave me another blog idea:

Recently we were at a party and there was this couple that were really getting on my nerves. The woman was telling a bunch of people about her labor and delivery of her child and was not being to careful about her description. Her kid and mine were right there and they were listening to her. Then the guy starts talking, I don't know what he was talking about but he's saying the "f" word among others, in front of the kids! I was mad. I was like "seriously? there are kids here and you can't watch your language?" I was sitting with my sister and she said I was over reacting and that kids were going to hear it anyways when we are out and about. Now this made me even more mad, I realize that you cannot control what your kids hear when you are out shopping etc but when you are in a situation like that in someones home, you CAN control that and I chose to control it, we left. Now, was I over reacting? I don't think so, when you have small children they don't need to be exposed to those sorts of things and the very idea that just because they will hear it other places outside of my control so just get used to it is absurd. Swearing is one of the things that just grates on me, I hate hearing it, especially from people who claim to be Christians, those words are not ones that should come out of your mouth. I really am bothered when I am out shopping and people are talking and swearing, I have never had the guts to say anything to them about it. Since when did it become so acceptable to speak that way without checking to see who's around? I know that I am most likely in the minority here with this but there you have it, my rant on swearing.

January 2

Here I sit at 11:59 in the morning still in my pajamas on my second cup of tea and listening to my girls playing outside in the rain, the odd time I hear fighting but they seem to figure it out. How lazy am I? lol Now is the best time though, I'm alone, all is quite in the house and when I should really be doing some house work or at the very least start trying to tame the afro that is my hair instead I sit here blogging. I have missed it, I've been so busy for almost the whole month of December that I have not hardly had the chance to think of any postings much less write. I am looking for ideas though, send them to me, what do you want to read? Do you like reading new recipes I try? Do you want to hear more about everyday life? I could definitely write more about everyday life but then I might get in trouble cause some of those everyday life situations would not be too happy to see themselves in my blog. lol

Here is something exciting: my sister J is about to have her 1st baby, she's not due till the middle of January but the midwife says it could be any day now. I am so excited, can't wait to meet the newest addition to the family!

Yesterday we had a fun family day, that rarely happens so it's really special when it does. We went to see the new Alvin and the Chipmunks movie, it was cute, the kids liked it. After that we went skating, every year on Jan 1st our church rents out a local sports complex, they have skating rinks there as well as a pool. Alexa wanted to go skating, I think she regrets the choice now because her ankles were sore and she fell and bruised her knee. Fun was had by all. While there I was looking around and noticing that I didn't hardly anyone, this is the problem with going to a large church, we saw several people but not that many. Then I heard one of the younger guys swear on the ice which really bothered me, he skated by me and I heard him say to his friend "f#$%^@g jerk" I'm like seriously?! This is a church event and there are kids everywhere?! What the?!!! Oh this give me an idea for my next post......

Happy 2010!

Happy New Year to you! ...who ever you are, lol I hope that 2010 is filled with fun, adventures and God's richest blessings for all of us, I pray that HE gives us wisdom and the eyes and ears to see and hear HIS leading.